Thinking back.
In the past few days/weeks and 2years. How many times have I touch your heart?
I know my answer to yours.
Wo hui xiang ni
Heartache
Having an eye to eye with the phone for two hours, didn't have the guts to message you. Long for your voice; your sweet voice telling me to sleep. Missing those days where I wake up early in the morning just to wish you good morning and a wonderful day ahead. Those no longer can be done. I miss you sweet heart. I miss you. You played a very important role in my life. I'll keep them safe in my memory. I'll cherish them forever. It's easy to find someone you like, but to find someone you love and love you more than yourself and have equal love in a relationship come once in a life time. My next love wont be as perfect as this, because I still see you.
Girls said hi.
My heart can’t take it anymore.
I've been really confused out of late.
About my life right now and the life to come.
I know they say life is unpredictable but sometimes future expectations can play a pivotal role in your today.
I've been childish recently too.
Not childish in the suck on lollipops and wear pigtails kind of way but in an emotional sense.
Unsurprising because Joshua is well, made up of pure emotion anyhow.
I'm a walking emotional basketcase right now really and I think a lot of it is self-inflicted.
I must be some sort of emotional sadist 
But yes, childish.
I feel like I've been acting out a lot and trying desperately to run away from my reality by doing things I know I shouldn't do because it will only hurt me in the end.
I keep telling myself things will get better and its only 'for now' but I honestly, truly don't know if I'm just lying to myself.
I think I sort of know the truth but I refuse to face up to it.
It just kills me to think and worse yet, to accept that maybe I got it really wrong again.
I'm 22. You'd think I'd be less gullible by now.
And yet, I feel as stupid and naive as the 14 year old student who hadn't yet seen anything of the world.
Actually... STUPIDER.
Because I should know better by now.
I am battle-weary and sick of accumulating scars.
Sick of worrying, of wondering, and of waiting.
Waiting for all the smoke and mirrors to come crashing at my feet and to feel the familiar hurt come slicing into my heart yet again.
Waiting to see the truth and nothing but the awful truth.
Waiting to have it sealed in cement that it was just a game which didn't mean anything.
Maybe you were right.
Maybe I'm just a great big stupid boy who walks into glass doors.
And maybe this time, I'll lose too much blood to survive.
Nothing’s gonna change.
Goodbye
Saying goodbye is never easy. Even so, I do not know what goodbye means. Does it mean goodbye, I’ll see you again? Or goodbye, I’ll see you around.
It is sad to not know when or if you will see the person again, and of what could be the last kiss, the last touch, the last holding of hands.
When will it end? Do I have the will to let it end?
